Fortunately those who love me take action to stop this self sabotage. My wonderful Mum is particularly good at this; after a stressful summer, this month she whisked me away for a week in Austira, to enjoy the hospitality and mountain scenery of the Tirol region above Innsbruck.
It ended up being a real exercise in flexible thinking and learning to roll with the circumstances. I know I can be very rigid-minded, especially when I decide to do something. But if the cable car is closed because of the snow, then the planned walk simply isn't going to happen! It's a reminder that sometimes there are no right or wrong choices, only different ones that lead to different experiences. For instance, if the weather hadn't been so bad, we wouldn't have ended up at the Alpine Zoo ( don't let the Z word put you off, it was actually very well done) , getting up close to ibex, otters, wolves, bears and a captivatingly beautiful Lynx.
Meet the animals - a brown bear and a baby ibex at Innsbruck Alpine Zoo
I also learned to appreciate the value of taking time for personal wellness - difficult not to when your hotel had a free spa with sauna, steam room and whirlpool ! I do struggle with this at times: in a world where so many have so little or are displaced due to conflict and disaster, it can seem disrespectful and frivolous to enjoy the sensory pleasures of a jacuzzi. Such experiences aren't limited to posh hotels or holidays of course, and can even be found in simple things such as a lunchtime stroll through the park or meeting a friend for a leisurely rendez-vous at a cafe. But when work constantly beckons, these are the things that get squeezed out.
These two things, learning to move fluidly with problems and making time for self restoration, will be critical for my third year of my PhD. During this time, the pressure will really be on me to get enough meaningful data for a thesis worth defending. I know the time will fly by, as indeed this whole year seems to have done. I only hope I am up to the challenge. At least in those frustrating moments, when my experiments run into problems, or the equipment refuses to cooperate, I can breathe deeply and, in mind at least, wander the mountains again. And look forward to the next time I set my feet on the hills.